Friday, May 16, 2008

FedEx, will you marry me?

So, I ordered this thing I need for work and was a little annoyed that the company I ordered from requires someone sign for delivery and they only offer cheap shipping through FedEx. But I figured I'd suck it up and try to be a good sport. So after processing my order and shipping it out, the company sent me an email with a tracking number.

I entered the information at FedEx's website and was surprised to see they expected the delivery date to be Friday. So on Friday, I stayed home so I could sign for the package. I checked the tracking info again that morning and it showed the package had gone on the delivery truck. I rubbed my hands with a creepy look in my eyes and said "goodie," or something like that.

Then, the trouble started.

I waited around all morning, catching up on email and downloading some Three-Six Mafia missing from my collection. Around lunch time, I went to the FedEx site to see that the tracking info had been updated again with the message: "can't locate recipient."

Considering this is a pretty key part of the service provided by FedEx, I decided to call them and investigate. I navigated the automated phone menus until I reached a robot whose voice was almost indistinguishable from a real human customer service rep. She confirmed that my address was correctly listed on the package, put me on hold, checked the delivery status, and returned to tell me the driver had never put the package on the truck because he didn't know how to find my address.

My eyes rolled over and over in the back of my head like the wheels of a slot machine. UPS, Mapquest, Google Maps, and "crazy stalker lady" are all able to find my house without any trouble. I have even heard rumors that since their merger with Kinkos, FedEx has access to computers...and yet...

Their drivers don't know how to use Google or can't be bothered with the trouble of consulting--oh, I don't know--a map of the area before heading out for a day of driving around on the company's dime listening to the classic rock station. Isn't finding places an important part of a delivery man's job? I'm perfectly willing to unload the stuff when it comes. He can stay in the truck, cranking the AC. I just want the items I ordered. Please, FedEx...can I have my stuff when you guys get done playing box hockey with it at the warehouse? I can link you to my address on Google Maps if it helps. Of course, that's assuming your drivers can read. I know it's asking a lot.

Sigh. I'll stop ranting now. I promise.

We'll see if the saga continues when I do this again on Monday.

For now, I'm off to try salvaging a half-day's work...